Unfair events. Why me?

When something bad happens, like, somebody not being nice to me, or myself or my family becoming ill, losing people, etc, we tend to turn into ourselves and start blaming ourselves first.  

"What is wrong with me?" "What did I do wrong?" 

"Why me?"

Then, why you?

All sorts of bad behaviors and habits are reviewed and the blame on ourselves becomes more and more. We don't know why, but it definitely has to be something we have done. We brought it on to us. 

We try to find the cause, the reason, and the meaning for this horrible situation that we are in. However, it is not found. We do not know why this happened. Our thoughts go like, "There must be something wrong with me", "There must be a good reason, so I can fix this", then we become hopeless and helpless...

What we can find in this situation is that it definitely brings your attention toward yourself,,, Finally.

Finally, we pay attention to ourselves. 

But, most of the time, we become so tired, stressed and in despair, so we become more helpless and hopeless. We become angry. We become blaming others and irritated by everything, or become sad and depressed... as if there is no life tomorrow. 

Distracting our minds is what we do. Eating, drinking, doing something to take our mind off from the problems. We redirect our attention to external things, so we don't need to feel the pain inside of us. 

Good thing is that we FINALLY pay attention to ourselves, but this requires more work to be done. It takes a lot of courage to look into ourselves. We must go beyond the blame. Start feeling the pain head on. 

Courage and mindfulness will take us to the next level.

It does take time, but through these difficult times, we pay attention to ourselves more closely and learn about how our mind works. 

How do we see ourselves? What do we think wrong with us? What mindset did we have? What are our thought patterns? What kinds of beliefs do we have on ourselves? What are the typical blame phrases do we have about ourselves?

This looking into ourselves mindfully with courage may not directly solve our predicaments, but we definitely gain more margin in our thoughts, which help us become more creative. The creativity may lead to great solutions.

First, we become appreciative, thankful or grateful of our lives, that we are alive to think and care. We feel the same for others, too. 

The shift in our ways of thinking will bring more changes in our lives. 

Then, what will happen? We want to know the result of this. 

As I always tell my clients, experience it yourself, then you will know what result unfold in front of you.

If you want to pee and feel relieved, you have to go yourself to pee. Asking others to do so or asking others how it feels like won't relieve your urge to pee. 

Experience it. 

(You will need guidance. Please know that the guide is always there for you.) 

Anxiety, Depression... our problems

I see many patients who have anxiety issues and some depressive moods. I think this is a universal problems we all face more or less every day.

Some may need to take medication to regulate themselves to just to get on the start-point, and some may not need medications, but feel the need of some encouragement or validation  that they are not alone.

Many times, when people feel anxious or depressed, they feel that they are alone in this predicament. In reality, it is not quite true. 

We all have some sore spots and these spots may be different one person to the other. We all have different approaches and solutions to the problems that we face. We are all different in these aspects, but we somewhat suffer the same feelings.

Fear, anxiety, success, money, work... We suffer because we feel we are not enough...and feel the same. We all have same emotions. 

We like some emotions like happiness and we do not like some emotions like sadness. 

In these senses, we are all the same.

We may be different when we feel happy, sad, or scared. What makes us happy, sad, or scared may be also very different but we all do feel happy, sad, or scared in our life.

This very simple reality we tend to forget, or even we do not admit.

This is where I work as a therapist to help people get insights into our predicaments and emotions. There is no secret to it, but we are so blinded by other things, so we don't see this simple truth.